Jamming my 4x4 down slope,
jerking it into rocks and stumps for maximum damage
I drag myself behind to rip open my ugliness
and let the shame run free.
Near the bottom, the engine still running,
I feel it’s close,
My purpose behind all this
Here it is! After all this time!
I kept covering it up when I wasn’t looking.
No wonder I couldn’t find the motherfucker.
Bruised and bloodied
but anticipating return on my investment
I drag myself to the edge and take
A Good Look.
Jesus! It’s a hole!
A bottomless hole!
recoils me back from the edge
and I know.
Self-torture has no return or end,
only deeper darkness.
The engine dies, my heart and pockets empty.
Abyss in front, wreck behind,
I sit and smell the woods.